need another drink. this is the easiest way
Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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