forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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