Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
