I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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