no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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