what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
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You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
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