Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
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