Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
