if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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