It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize
