I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Let's get the cat blown out
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
