i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
