We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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