I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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