Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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