haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
