the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
