That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
