Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
