I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
