Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
