I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I pour the whiskey from now on
That was before I lit my hair on fire
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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