I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Even my vagina gasped.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
