I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
