You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
