I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
