Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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