what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
