Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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