Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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