I got chris browned last night
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
