I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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