We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
