he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
