Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
