Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
