Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
