Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
