lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
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I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
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What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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