Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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