I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
