Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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