Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
My vagina is officially offended.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Two words: nipple clamps
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