she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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