i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
