HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He better not be in your backpack
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Randomize
