Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
