i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
