If you die in college, do you die in real life?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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