your parents love me but you hate me
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
