i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
