im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
