the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize