How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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