Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
