The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
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Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
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Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Can you bring me the toilet please
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.