Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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