she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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