so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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