Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
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