tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
