I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
