I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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