i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
