love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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