There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
