He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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