Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
