I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Randomize
