Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize