That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize