Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
