Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
