i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
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I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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