After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I have already put on my inside pants.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
