I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
