my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just gargled with NyQuil
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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