Don't you send me to vm
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
