I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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