you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
